Guilt?

9 weeks of emrs, 9 weeks of msc cheers is finally over.. 3 weeks of holiday for now till our classical modules starts. This meant no pocket money; not forgetting I'm still not employed yet.

3 weeks for me to earn as much money as possible by chiong-ing flea markets and set up stalls. I don't want life without money at all. Now I can't even attend my best friend's bday celebration; I don't even dare to think of what I can give to him.

Can I give u more friendship? If only I could.. You alr knew how devastated i was from the previously failed bday celeb for u(u probably forgotten).. The utlimate stress of not being able to enjoy every moment financially brought me nothing except unhappiness. I wished you all could understand but Despite rejecting all meet ups and bday parties, did I not make it obvious that I couldn't go back to that life anymore?

Yes I admit I was really sad when honestly speaking, my birthday was actually "forgotten" and I know I couldn't ask for more. Call me useless, I wouldn't mind. Our families are just so different, I just can't afford that kinda lifestyle.

Last year I couldn't give my best friend a celebration, not even a meet up. I'm glad this year i'd made it up to her. Those are probably the kinda birthday I want. I really couldn't afford more and this was yet the best bday I think I'd brought to her . it doesn't takes a lavish celebration to be the most memorable one after all.

Call me poor. I don't wanna avoid the fact that I couldn't afford a bday celeb for even my best friend(s). Yes maybe not even a decent one. No more gatherings, no more meet up, no more celebrations..

I'm a pauper; who recently felt emo after so long of trying to run away from reality. Anything can bring tears now so if anyone wants to go out with me, remember this post. I'm just too poor so if u mind, don't ask me out unless it's some kinda mockery.

I don't want to elaborate anymore. I'm not amirable too. I didn't blog this for any caring attention or the need to feel pitied. I didn't type this in any anger except for acknowledging myself in a harsh way. I just thought this was a better way to let everyone know.. How useless I am.