Procrastination

pro·cras·ti·nate   [proh-kras-tuh-neyt, pruh-]

–verb (used without object)
1.
to defer action; delay: to procrastinate until an opportunity is lost.

–verb (used with object)
2.
to put off till another day or time; defer; delay

Since God-knows-when, I had been procrastinating every moment of my life. This feeling sucks. Especially when I can start bitching how fucked up everyone's life is, when I didn't realise I'm actually destroying myself .. bit by bit.. It's so rooted, I don't think I can ever get out of it anymore.

Somehow emo days are back again. MSC is ending in 2 days' time which generally means a few weeks more to end TEP. I should be happy. I should be. But I'm not.

Maybe the things around me kept reminding me how useless I am?
And I guess, I wasn't born for anything at all.
A total insult to breathe under the same sky.

#1. I had failed to play Marriage De' Amour

#2. I can lose my beat on Canon in C

#3. I can't sing right notes anymore

#4. I can only reach 21 notes from low G

#5. I don't even dare move my body to the groove

#6. I don't know what I can wear anymore

#7. I couldn't find a listener

#8. I'm gonna fail my TEP with my MCs

#9. I'm not cut to be a leader at all

#10. I can't manage my business

#11. I'd made everyone lose trust in me
#12. I can't even gain respect

#13. I feel forsaken all the time

#14. I wished I could wake up to somewhere peaceful

#15. I wanna dance out what I can choreograph in my mind

#16. I wanna sing like a rockstar

#17. I wanna be a good friend

#18. I wanna be a good girlfriend

#19. I wanna be a good part of my family

#20. I wanna die.

I was only right about the procrastination. Nothing else..