失去

我一直以为我的死撑，我的执著，会让你感受我的真心，我想好好维持的这分感情的诚意。我太高盼我自己，以为你会好好珍惜。

我错了。。我就是这样，什么都做不好。

如果这是你的解拖，我承认这是我的错，我一早就该放手。你有自由好好过，对不起。

Guilt?

9 weeks of emrs, 9 weeks of msc cheers is finally over.. 3 weeks of holiday for now till our classical modules starts. This meant no pocket money; not forgetting I'm still not employed yet.

3 weeks for me to earn as much money as possible by chiong-ing flea markets and set up stalls. I don't want life without money at all. Now I can't even attend my best friend's bday celebration; I don't even dare to think of what I can give to him.

Can I give u more friendship? If only I could.. You alr knew how devastated i was from the previously failed bday celeb for u(u probably forgotten).. The utlimate stress of not being able to enjoy every moment financially brought me nothing except unhappiness. I wished you all could understand but Despite rejecting all meet ups and bday parties, did I not make it obvious that I couldn't go back to that life anymore?

Yes I admit I was really sad when honestly speaking, my birthday was actually "forgotten" and I know I couldn't ask for more. Call me useless, I wouldn't mind. Our families are just so different, I just can't afford that kinda lifestyle.

Last year I couldn't give my best friend a celebration, not even a meet up. I'm glad this year i'd made it up to her. Those are probably the kinda birthday I want. I really couldn't afford more and this was yet the best bday I think I'd brought to her . it doesn't takes a lavish celebration to be the most memorable one after all.

Call me poor. I don't wanna avoid the fact that I couldn't afford a bday celeb for even my best friend(s). Yes maybe not even a decent one. No more gatherings, no more meet up, no more celebrations..

I'm a pauper; who recently felt emo after so long of trying to run away from reality. Anything can bring tears now so if anyone wants to go out with me, remember this post. I'm just too poor so if u mind, don't ask me out unless it's some kinda mockery.

I don't want to elaborate anymore. I'm not amirable too. I didn't blog this for any caring attention or the need to feel pitied. I didn't type this in any anger except for acknowledging myself in a harsh way. I just thought this was a better way to let everyone know.. How useless I am.

Procrastination

pro·cras·ti·nate   [proh-kras-tuh-neyt, pruh-]

–verb (used without object)
1.
to defer action; delay: to procrastinate until an opportunity is lost.

–verb (used with object)
2.
to put off till another day or time; defer; delay

Since God-knows-when, I had been procrastinating every moment of my life. This feeling sucks. Especially when I can start bitching how fucked up everyone's life is, when I didn't realise I'm actually destroying myself .. bit by bit.. It's so rooted, I don't think I can ever get out of it anymore.

Somehow emo days are back again. MSC is ending in 2 days' time which generally means a few weeks more to end TEP. I should be happy. I should be. But I'm not.

Maybe the things around me kept reminding me how useless I am?
And I guess, I wasn't born for anything at all.
A total insult to breathe under the same sky.

#1. I had failed to play Marriage De' Amour

#2. I can lose my beat on Canon in C

#3. I can't sing right notes anymore

#4. I can only reach 21 notes from low G

#5. I don't even dare move my body to the groove

#6. I don't know what I can wear anymore

#7. I couldn't find a listener

#8. I'm gonna fail my TEP with my MCs

#9. I'm not cut to be a leader at all

#10. I can't manage my business

#11. I'd made everyone lose trust in me
#12. I can't even gain respect

#13. I feel forsaken all the time

#14. I wished I could wake up to somewhere peaceful

#15. I wanna dance out what I can choreograph in my mind

#16. I wanna sing like a rockstar

#17. I wanna be a good friend

#18. I wanna be a good girlfriend

#19. I wanna be a good part of my family

#20. I wanna die.

I was only right about the procrastination. Nothing else..

fleaaaaaaaaaa!

We manage to find someone to share the booth with for this event! Our stall location haven't been fixed because it's on first come first serve basis. I'll be taking up the rack space to clear my apparels instock, at an amazing price of..

1 for $12!
2 for $20!

This will include tops, blouse, bottoms, all new, none pre-loved! You can check out some of the apparels here ; we also have more apparels that are not included in that post, so do come down to have a look! It's as pity we didn't sign up for this flea earlier, if not we would be able clear some accessories and gift items at 3 for $10. It's alright; we still managed to find someone who wants to share booth 1 day ahead of the flea :)

Sheridin's 17th

This is a late post dedicated to Sheridin for her 17th birthday. She has tons of friends to celebrate with and I know it's time I should celebrate her birthday for her. Know why? She had a big part to play for my 20th birthday; she was practically the host for my home party (:

For her birthday, Swing and I decided to bake cookies for her! Should be quite heart warming right? Her friends gave her many different stuff like balloons, cupcake, undies, very nicely decorated cards.. but no one gave her cookies :]

It was quite a big portion of mix so we decided to bake many small cookies and 1 big cookie to replace Swing and my birthday cake for her. I'd also checked out with Ming how to make icing and did some designs on the cookies. After the baking, while waiting for the cookies to cool down, Swing and I worked on the design of the cookie "jar"; not glass because it can be really fragile, we got a plastic container and worked it on with some cut outs.

We had no ideas where to get just one candle, so I drew out one. Hahaas, this sounds stupid but my lovely babysis seemed very touched by this whole "surprise". Not exactly surprising because she saw me bring out the oven .___.

I still hope she enjoyed it because Baby Swing and I enjoyed the whole baking process and the "surprise" part. Hahaaas. This is for you, Babysis:

Family day out!

Today's a family day out, everyone is present except "that man". We head to IMM first for some window shopping which then led to the final decision of having dinner at Vivo's Food republic. Here are some photos, in case my relatives happened to chance upon my blog (:


This is Mummy and Granny resting a while at IMM after walking around:

My mummy got Baby face hor! See see! She's just one year older than Singapore, oops!

Decided to settle down at Vivo for dinner because of Mummy's craving for Thunder Rice ( Chinese: lei cha ). I decided to get Chicken Cutlet hor fun for $5:

Daddy's completed $11 economic rice:

Here are some other pictures taken:




I think I'd enjoyed myself pretty much except that Baby Swing wasn't here with us. Tomorrow is the start of Hungry Ghost Festival, brrrrrrrrr, it's sending a chill down my spine ~.~

Working Hard

Oh yes, I'd changed my URL, if not everyone can't stop " unexplainable-ing" me. Made it a point that the word, Zombie must remain though. It sets my identify. Just in case, you don't know my real name(as stated in NRIC), my name is Stephanie, surname is Tan.

These are the new ways to find me:

1. Facebook: http://facebook.com/zombiie.stephanie
2. Twitter: http://www.twitter.com/swingwithzombie
3. FormSpring: http://www.formspring.me/swingwithzombie

I hope I can work hard in nuffnang community to earn some cash and be a food critic! I need you guys' support to click on my ad everyday~! I would have more blog entries in days to come; so do comment what you want to see in my blog, thanks!

i need a job!

Hello! This cute thing was adopted by Baby Swing 3 weeks ago. She's a Pomeranian cross Shihtzu, 3 years old and this is the maximum size already. How cute?

I'm searching for jobs now to take on. I had already lost lots of my readers already, but I want so much to be a freelance food critic now! Lol, I think my level for influence for recommending good food benefited a lot of my friends around me. Haha, hire me, anyone?

Survey!

Name:
Email Address:
Select Your Gender:	Male Female
Enter Your Date Of Birth (dd/mm/yyyy):
Select Your Employment Type	Full Time Student Part Time Student Student with Part Time/Freelance job Full Time employed Part Time/Freelance employed Self Employed Unemployed
Name a few of your frequently patronised cake/pastry shop:
Select Your Preferred Flavour(s) :	Strawberry Chocolate Vanilla Fruits Cheese Coffee Liqour
Other preferred flavour(s):
Select Your Reasons To Purchase Cake(s):	Birthday Formal Events Casual Events Own Consumption
Other reason(s):
Select Your Budget For a 1kg Cake:	< $25 < $30 < $35 < $40 $40 and above
Select Your Reasons To Purchase Pastry(ies):	Birthday Formal Event Casual Event Own consumption
Other reason(s):
Select Your Budget For a 1serving Pastry (eg. Donut/Cream Puff):	< 80cents < $1 < $1.50 < $2 < $2.50 < $3 < $3.50 < $4 $4 & above
Would you consider shopping online for a cake/pastry purchase?	Yes No

Personal Selling Round 2! (: